I understand some of your frustration. With that said, each console manufacturer handles fixture data differently (as I’m sure you know). I think that MA and Vectorworks has tried to be more proactive with the GDTF format, but still means they have to work together and get the industry manufacturers on board. Obsidian and Capture are working together, sharing the fixture database. But it is still hard as there are so manu different console manufacturers.
As for the DMX standard, it does specify that the proper connector is 5 pin. This is where we get into cost of manufacturing and verbiage. To save money, a manufacturer will use 3 pin and say it is DMX compatible. This is different from being DMX complainant.